S2E18 Sten vs Aragorn

Episode 58. Sten vs Aragorn


Narrator: Today's episode will pit two of the bravest heroes against one another in a truly epic battle. Sten, a Qunari warrior who fought the Darkspawn horde during the great dragon age; versus; Aragorn, the one true heir of Gondor that has fought and killed many dark beings in his life.
WHO........IS...........DEADLIEST!?


Here in our fight club we have the absolute best in weapons experts, trauma doctors and computer science experts. They are going to disect each warrior and compile the data for input into a computer simulation program.


Now, unlike most other episodes.....the tests today are going to be run by our very own experts. Our weapons expert Phoenix Drake and our computer science expert Ivana Janssen will disect the warriors and their weapons piece by piece and compare the weapons in a series of versus tests. Our good doctor, Nissan Hendricks, will monitor from the sides and examine the corpses left in their wake.

Phoenix: Due to only 3 weapons each and a limited time frame for this episode's shooting schedule, Ivana and I will compare the weapons just like in the Fabled Persian Immortal vs Telmarine.

Ivana: This is going to be fun, I get to play with swords and shields again. And since I cannot use a bow and arrow, Phoenix has Aragorn.

Nissan: Oh great, we got the two gory hounds to make mincemeat out of the targets once again. Like the guests aren't bad enough, these two always take it that one extra step and make it a whole lot worse.

Narrator: Both the warriors bring an impressive array of weapons to the fight. Sten brings along his....

Knife
Asala Sword
and his Shield.

Aragorn fights back with his....

Dagger
Anduril
and his Bow & Arrow.

The first test compares the Knife to the Dagger.

Phoenix: Aragorn's Dagger, a weapon he has used with great effectiveness in several different occasions in battle. It is a very sharp tool and always handy to have around in case you temporarily misplace or lose your sword.

Ivana: Oh please, this Knife can easily outperform that lithe thing.

Phoenix and Ivana stand side by side as a timer begins and the two rush through an obstacle course. Phoenix slashes and drives the dagger deep into a gel torso as Ivana slices open the neck and snaps the head off with ease. Moving on to the next, Phoenix dodges a swing and drives the dagger through the neck of the gel torso as Ivana hurls the knife through the head of hers.

Nissan: Do you guys always have to try and outdo one another?

Phoenix & Ivana: Yes.

Phoenix: If we didn't, then how would the weapons be appropriately tested?

Nissan: Valid point and I noticed the injuries were quite lethal.

Phoenix: Yes, but one thing I noticed is the both the Knife and Dagger have the same basic principles and abilities as if there were no difference.

Nissan: And your take is?

Phoenix: Both are equal.

Ivana: I agree.

Narrator: Both Sten and Aragorn get the Edge with their close quarters weapons.

Next are the medium range weapons, the Asala Sword and Anduril.

Phoenix: Allow me to introduce, Anduril, one of the sharpest blades ever produced and so far the only blade that can harm a ghostly being.

Ivana: This is Sten's Asala Sword and it is twice as sharp if not more so then that cheap sword. Is that the real Anduril.

Phoenix smiled: Yes indeed my fair I wish you were fatter collie.

Ivana: Watch it perv roo.

Nissan: Easy, how bout we run another obstacle course?

Phoenix and Ivana once again take their starting positions at the start of yet another obstacle course. Hearing the shot ring out, the two anthros charge down the obstacle course with the weapons at the ready. Phoenix hacked a gel torso in half as Ivana dodged and slashed one brutally across the chest. Approaching the second pair of gel torsos, the two dodge paint arrows as Phoenix lops off and arm and then the head before moving on. Ivana slashes the gel torso vertically before she heads on, right on Phoenix's heels so to speak. The final torsos were side by side as Phoenix cut his in half horizontally while Ivana did the same vertically moments later.

Phoenix: I think it is safe to say both swords are essentially equal in all aspects.

Nissan: I hope you guys realize I am not cleaning up the mess you two just made. I can already see from the high speed the wounds and carvings you guys have made. Plain and simple, that is just fucking nasty.

Ivana: Fake blood bath?

Phoenix: Oh yes.....but the Edge, both.

Ivana: Agreed. Edge, Both.

Narrator: Both Sten and Aragorn get the Edge for mid range weapons.

Finally, we introduce the special weapons. Sten's Shield and Aragorn's Bow & Arrow.

Phoenix: Do we really have to test this?

Ivana: Well, I guess you could shoot arrows to see if they pierce the shield.

*Phoenix does just that and the arrows fail to pierce the shield, but from a distant, he easily nails other parts before hitting the vital parts proving sometimes a distraction was all that was needed.*

Nissan: Well, with a shield like that, I guess if there is enough of a distance, you can still take hits from arrows.

Narrator: Aragorn gets the Edge with his Bow & Arrow. Now that the tests are finished, Ivana can finally input the data into her computer program. To prevent the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, she is going to simulate the battle 1000 times.

Phoenix: Today two of the ancient world's greatest heroes go head to head, who will win this ultimate battle to the death?

Narrator: WHO..........WILL..........WIN!?

Fighter against the darkspawn....

Sten is seeing killing and hacking genlocks and hurlocks.

Or hero king of Gondor....

Aragorn lops of an orc's head as he battles on Pelennor Fields.

The muscle of his group....

Sten is seen attacking a dragon head on without fear.

Or the agile archer....

Aragorn fires his arrows down and picks off foe after foe.


WHO......IS......DEADLIEST!?


Aragorn is seen riding his horse across an open plain as he glances around, almost swearing he heard something. Scratching his chin, he continues on as another figure emerges from a nearby rocky area and makes his charge. Sitting on his horse, Aragorn sees the man and notches an arrow as he takes aim before firing.

Sten dodged the first arrow as he continued running towards the man who had climbed down off his horse and fired another arrow. Blocking the arrow with his shield, Sten pulls out his Knife and throws it when he gets close enough.

Aragorn had fired 2 arrows as the man quickly closed the gap before being forced to dodge a thrown knife. Drawing his sword, Anduril, he charges forth towards the man as the two clash. The swords clink and clang on each other as Aragorn kicks the man aside and strikes for a killing blow.

Sten dodges the swipes and jabs with his Asala Sword and misses, only to have it nearly knocked aside. Kicking the man back, he rushes up and yells out as he feels intense pain and sees an arrow had been jabbed into his ankle.

Stepping back, Sten is then hit by a Dagger and grunts as he sees the man walk off. Grabbing the Dagger from his side, he throws it back and nails the man in the back. Aragorn grunts and removes the blade from his back and knocks another aside with his sword as the other man had found his knife and thrown it yet again.

Sten removes the arrow from his foot and hobbles after Aragorn with an almost murderous intent. Aragorn Jabs his sword into the ground and takes aim with his bow once more. Sten eyes him up and blocks as the man fired his arrow before hurling his shield edge first at him.

Aragorn dodges the shield just to get tackled to the ground moments later. Sten barrages Aragorn with punches before being thrown off. Grabbing his sword, Aragorn makes a swing only to get stabbed in the side and knocked to the ground. Seeing the knife the man had thrown, Aragorn quickly grabs and throws it.

Sten had just picked up his shield as he turned around and was hit in the chest by the knife. He coughs slightly as Aragorn approached him and dodging a swing from the shield, the ranger quickly beheaded the foreign man and sighed deeply. "May you forever be at peace my brother." he concludes before gathering his things and remounting his horse.

Sten 0
Aragorn 1

Narrator: Aragorn was barely able to best Sten, but did so with 512 kills to Sten's 488.

Aragorn: 512
Dagger: 58
Anduril: 213
Bow & Arrow: 241

Sten: 488
Knife: 100
Asala Sword: 215
Shield: 173

Ivana: Well, I think the main reason for the victory was simply the Bow & Arrow. It brought incredible range into play and worked greatly to Aragorn's advantage.

Nissan: I agree.

Phoenix: So do I. And for anyone who thinks otherwise, feel free to let me know with your comments or questions.....so, I'll see you next episode.